Hey darlings, I hope the first day of November was amazing for you since it’s a brand new month. A new month to start over. Another chance.
As I stated in my previous post, last week was a very bad week for me. Honestly, I just lost hope in everything: that things are going to change, my situation will improve, you know – just everything. Was it all worth it? That was the million dollar question wandering around in my head last week. I cried so much, my eyes were burning and my face began shattering to pieces. My little light was so dim, I was dabbling between two realms of either darkness or the shadows. No, it was darkness. Just darkness.
Have you ever gotten to that point before?
I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to brush my teeth. I didn’t want to do anything.
But, how did I get to this point? Again?
I’m STILL recovering from the hell I just went through, that God delivered me from earlier this year. STILL.
But I was hurting. The pain was too great for me to bear. I felt like it wasn’t fair that I have to go through what I’m going through. I wanted out. Perhaps I’ve been torturing myself by fighting against God’s will for my life.
You know, I want things to go MY WAY. I’ve set some goals for myself for Nov. 1st and there’s no reason why I couldn’t achieve them if I have all of this favor on my life, so the Bible says.
Why couldn’t God open the floodgates of heaven and bless me with what I wanted?! I asked myself that SO many times in these past moments.
Because it wasn’t God’s plans for me.
What I wanted wasn’t what He had in mind for me, well at least not at this time I’ve concluded. It’s not that He’s not going to give it to me, it’s just not in HIS timing. God’s timing is ALWAYS best. Apparently, I stopped trusting Him and took matters into my own hands causing more trouble for myself, at least internally, in the spirit.
Don’t we all do that sometimes? Stop trusting Him and take matters into our hands because of fear, worry, impatience, or whatever else we allow to consume us.
I was, in fact, fighting HIM. Fighting His will for my life. And of course, I didn’t win. I went nowhere. Severely hurting myself.
Being outside the will of God is an awful place to be. There’s no fruit to bear. At all.
But, I’ll tell you one thing: when you’re walking in HIS plan for your life, He will provide. He will take care of what’s His. I found that out last Sunday when I finally let go of everything, my will, what I wanted. I had to humble myself before the Lord because I had become prideful. And pride always comes before destruction as I was about to destroy myself. However, as soon as I let go and surrendered to His will for my life, the floodgates of heaven flew open!
And all of this time, I thought God stopped loving me and forgot about me. But instead He just wants what’s best for me and was waiting for me to trust Him and His will for my life.
Hmmmmm. Yes indeed. HE does.
Darling, I just want you to know that God has not forgotten about you nor stopped loving you. In fact, nothing can separate you from His love through Christ. He just wants the best for you. Trust Him.