The Luxury: Music, Modeling, and Confidence

Good Morning darlings! 

 The end of the week is here and I want to open up a bit to encourage you this morning. Well, if you don’t know, music is everything to me. I know I post many things involving fashion; however, music is my first love. You may wonder how could I possibly be musically inclined yet am hearing impaired. An oxymoron, to a degree, you could also ponder. Yes, because of my loss, I miss so much physically. Well, prior to moving to NYC in 2011, EVERYONE knew music was my life. My music endeavors included several music organizations; teaching piano and voice, conducting band, orchestra, choir; singing in the choir (of course, I am a soprano, you guessed it right!); and much much more  As a child, I dreamed of being like Whitney Houston; I imitated and emulated her in every way possible. An international performer. Grammy awards. Sold-out concerts.  That’s all I ever imagined and desired. But, somewhere along the way, I lost my confidence. I didn’t believe I could do it. Because of my speech impediment (I can’t believe I’m even acknowledging it), I hated speaking before others and was terrified of singing solo before others. I feared others hearing my voice, so I hid my talent. Oh the shame and the pain I suffered from holding my own self back. If only I just accepted all of me back then, I would probably have my Grammy awards shining in my mother’s crystal glass dresser right now. If only. But, you see, my hearing impairment affected me in numerous ways in life especially on a personal level: I could not and would not accept who I was. The longer I rejected myself, the more I deteriorated on the inside. Streams of tears clouded my days far too often.  Therefore, I had to find a way to regain my confidence and increase my self-esteem. And that’s where the modeling came in. The modeling built my confidence because I was forced to see my own beauty.  If I didn’t believe in my own beauty, then the probability of me convincing the casting director or designer would be non-existent.  Interestingly, I believe the fashion, modeling industry, is one of the toughest, if not the toughest environment to thrive in, mentally and spiritually, because you are constantly being critiqued of your very essence.  It’s ironic that I entered the modeling world with low self-esteem and no confidence but came out with high (healthy) self-esteem and confidence.  It took me four years though. Four long, hard years.  It wasn’t until last Valentine’s Day when I faced myself in the mirror right before I hit the runway during New York Fashion Week that I accepted who I was being hearing impaired and solidified my confidence in who I was by walking the runway WITH my hearing aids in my ears (FYI: I stopped wearing my hearing aids back in middle school).  It was just LAST year, darling. Just last year that I found the strength within and regained my confidence. Ahhh! But, I share this to encourage you all to accept all of who you are and be CONFIDENT in who you are.  Nothing else matters but what YOU believe.

You are beautiful. You are amazing.  And you can succeed in anything you desire as long as you’re confident.  And trust me, as confident as I am now, I’m going after my music career with no hesitation 🙂

Check out this short video clip I uploaded on Instagram (find me @beautifulijerri) of me playing the piano, it’s just a tease of what’s to come this year!

2 thoughts on “The Luxury: Music, Modeling, and Confidence

  1. Deidre Brooks says:

    Wow J. After reading this and reflecting on the past 15 years, I never knew that you were battling with this. =( It just goes to show that, no matter how long you have known someone, sometimes you don’t always know what tribulations they go through privately. You still kept your head high and persevered. I don’t care if you get tired of me saying how proud of you I am lol. You are my inspiration. Love ya!

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