How long does it take to overcome a fear? 1 year? 5 years? 20 years? I don’t know. We each have our own process depending on how deep the roots stem. But, for me, this particular process involved a fear of failure. The fear of failing in my greatest gift and talent that was given to me by God and that is: music. It all started 4 years ago when I was a senior at Hampton University applying to graduate school to enroll in one of the top Master’s in Conducting programs in the country. I just KNEW I was going to get in: I gave all 4 years of completing my music curriculum my all, had the best recommendations, I was a top student, was great at conducting, and I KNEW it was my calling and so forth. But, on January 27, 2010, I received an email from the director of the program stating that I was not accepted into the program and summarizing it up: I wasn’t good enough. My heart broke. My world flipped upside down. How could I be so passionate about music but was told I wasn’t good enough? I remember that day so vividly – I was in the student parking lot when I read that email; I called my mom and started crying. She heard the brokenness in my tears. From that moment on, I unfortunately and internally shoved my passion of music under the earth and threw it away. So I fled like Jonah. But little did I know, the calling would be much greater and wider than anything hidden.
Throughout the years, I attempted to get back into music but it never lasted long because the fire was gone. I still loved music but I had no heart. This fear of failure hindered me from achieving my greatest works on this earth and fully walking into my purpose. It was even brought to my attention that since then (2010/2011), I hid my passion of music and gift/talent so well that people don’t know even know I’m into music, all they know is modeling. Ironically, my love for music is much greater than my love for modeling. However, it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago in a therapy session with my girl that I was able to discover the root of the problem: my fear of failure. And when the root sprung forth, I broke down again like I did 4 years when I received that rejection letter. But, this time with strength and a much better sense of who I am, I made up my mind that it’s time to let it go. It’s time to be free. Free from that bondage. Free from that fear. I’m only 1 step away from stepping into my true purpose and I can’t do it with being bound to this fear. And the funny thing about it all is that I STILL had the rejection letter in my email. All of these years. So I told my sister about it who fearlessly told me to print the email off and burn it. So I did just that. Sunday evening. And each time the flame of the fire burned part of the letter, a part of that bounding fear burned inside of me. After the last debris appeared, I thanked and praised God for that glorious moment. A moment I’ll never forget. A freedom moment. A moment of victory.
I conquered the greatest fear that unlocked the key to my purpose.
And for those who remember how ferocious I was in the music prior, I’m stronger and more confident than I ever was. In essence, I have returned back to my roots: music.
I’m not here to be like anyone else. I’m here to be me. I was born Jerrica Patton and I shall live as Jerrica Patton. So many people want to be like the mass, but I have zero desire to. With pressures from society and surrounding friends, I can see why it’s a challenge to be naturally who you are and not try to fit in. But, I rather go against the grain and stand out. You and I have a voice but it’s ineffective blending in. It’s only heard when it’s separate and above the crowd. Be strong in who you are. Be courageous to tell the world who you are. And be loving to teach another to be who they are.
A season of becoming.
In reading this passage targeting those who are 25ish, the word “becoming” transcended all subsequent wording. I stood still while the pace of my heartbeat gracefully slowed as the word “becoming” escaped my mouth.
The definition of becoming (become) – verb. Begin to be, grow to be, turn into
According to Dictionary.com, this definition simply describes the magnitude of a process. Beginning to be. Growing to be. Turning into. This concept is signifying the ramification of MOVEMENT. There must be movement in a process, movement “to become”; becoming doesn’t just happen.
So, how do you get to Point B from Point A? You simply must move from Point A to Point B! Easy concept, right? Yes. Easy to apply to life, right? Absolutely not. To become, there’s always a starting point and an ending point, but the gist of “becoming” all lies in between: the growing section. It is within our growth that we become: the stretching of our faith, the blood, sweat and tears from our hands, the exhilaration of new experiences, and so forth. Some refer this station as “growing pains.” It’s a lovely saying, isn’t it? Quite comforting. Ha! However, there’s no way around it; experiencing growth pains is an inevitable seasoning of life. Even so, our zeal to “become” should override all hesitation and fear.
But, let’s talk about movement. Movement. You can’t succeed in any area of life without some type of movement. Any opportunity to move forward, one should be wise enough to do so! Doors of opportunities are always presenting itself, but it’s up to us to take advantage of it and WALK through it. I capitalized the word “walk” to stress the notion of movement. You see, movement requires you to DO something. That door of opportunity that’s standing right in front of you CAN’T open unless you: 1. Walk to the door (move your feet), 2. Touch the door knob (move your phalanges from your pockets to the metal door knob), 3. Turn the door knob (move your wrist in a circular motion), and when the door opens, 4. Walk THROUGH the door (move your feet forward to the other side of the door)!!!
So yes, it requires work to move in order to become! If you are striving to become great like me, this laborious task isn’t for the lazy, it’s for the MOVERS! For those who seek to move from good to great! For those who seek to move from poor to rich! For those who seek to move from nothing to everything! Movers are Becomers! And becomers are necessary to make a profound difference in this world.
So, what are you striving to become?
Well, I’m striving to become pride-less, as in removing my pride in situations that prevent my growth such as apologizing when I’m wrong.
I’m striving to become more loving in words and in action, as in expressing my love for others freely without my pride standing in the way and displaying patience in all forms.
So today, I encourage you to stop and reflect on your life, on the vision that you may have. Write down all that you are striving to become. Set measurable goals. Pray. And let it manifest into your life.
Essentially, nothing has come effortless, but indeed we will become.