Death isn’t a Luxury, Not in This Case

This past weekend I lost someone so dear to my heart, my cousin Sean.

He was my favorite. I know you aren’t suppose to have favorites, but he was mine. I adored him and everything that he did. Everyone used to tell me how much of a rebel and TROUBLE he was as a teenager; the stories just drew me closer and wanting to know more about him. Growing up, I didn’t get to see him as much as I wanted to simply because he was so much older than me, nearly 14 years of an age difference. So while I was growing up, he was off at college, growing into his adulthood.

It just seems so unreal that he is gone. I just saw him at Christmas in which I met his little CJ, who is 3, for the first time.

Ah. I just grieve for little CJ. He’s too young to really grasp the concept of death and understand that his dad has passed away.

It hurts. I’m heartbroken. Just devastated. Sadness consumes my spirit. I miss my cousin. My favorite cousin.

I’ve seen death way too many times in the last couple of years; more than people should experience. I don’t like it. Death is cruel.

Dear Death, screw you.

As hard as it is, I have to accept that Sean is gone. I’ve come to terms with it, but it’s still hard. I’ll never know why God called Sean home, but I know that when God says it’s time to come home, it’s time to come home.

I know it’s still selfish of me to want him back, I know. I’m not angry at God; I’m just hurt. His mother (my Aunt) is hurting. His wife Alexis (of 3 years) is hurting. My family is hurting.

I miss you Sean. Rest in Peace.